i see angels here, bringin’ something to me, mother mercy


Our friend Scotty left us last week. He has been part of my family for nearly 25 years.

My sister Timmi met Scotty at the old Frontier Room, back when it was real western times in Belltown. They were fast friends — like minded, creative, and wild. She loved him truly, and helped him weather many storms. They were unconditional in their love for each other.

Like brother and sister, with souls intertwined.

Timmi is only 15 months younger than me, but she will always be my baby sister. Her pain right now is inconsolable, and it is breaking my fucking heart.

“We did a lot of growing up together,” she sobbed to me the other day, explaining that Scotty was at the end of his tether.

She was with him on Wednesday. His body had given up, yet refused to release his heart. Timmi wheeled him around the hospice, while he struggled to escape, still the free spirited soul he has always been. She was able to tell him she loved him, and kiss him goodbye. The thought of it is too much to bear.

We spent the latter part of Thursday evening waiting for him to pass, hoping and praying for it to be as peaceful as it possibly could be.

As with many things in Scotty’s life, it was not an easy crossing. My heart absolutely aches with the thought of his suffering.

There is so much to say about him. His prolific artistic talent, his big and kind heart. The stories that illustrate his brilliance, and the periods of troubled times that plagued him for far too long.

His sweet and gentle ways, and his rapid fire bouts of manic behavior. Through it all, we loved him. Very much.

But, I am too mournful for such words right now. It is all I can do to pen this. My heart is heavy with all the losses of late, far too many in such a short period of time.

It is too much. It is just too much.

Instead, I offer the words my sister wrote, about the picture below. I remember this Christmas well, and what good form our friend was in. It was a wonderful time.

“I love this photo so much,” Timmi wrote, her giant heart jumping off of the page.

“Scotty suffered too much during his life, especially his last few days. He fought death tooth and nail…he was tormented by his mental illness, both on and off meds he was subjected to pain and anguish, yet there were numerous times when he was delighted with life…this captures one of those times…I loved him deeply and cared for him when he was in distress. I will miss him greatly but am relieved he is no longer in pain.”

Rest in peace, Scott McFarlane. We sure did love you, and always will.

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